Fortunately, I have not been in a situation in which I wondered if I should do that. Unfortunately, I think this student had a specific situation in mind. It’s a tough question, especially if the person who is being difficult is a peer or more senior than you.

I can’t think of how you would ask someone to leave a meeting without making somewhat of a “scene,” and I don’t think it’s ever in anyone’s best interest to do that, including you. Of course, how to handle this kind of situation depends on many things such as the purpose of the session, how long it is, who else is in the meeting, how much time is left in the meeting, and other considerations. But I can think of some questions I would ask before suggesting how best to handle this.

First, have all reasonable steps for controlling the meeting been taken? Have the objective and desired outcomes been defined ahead of time and included in the invitation, for example? Have ground rules been defined, agreed upon, and posted? Has an agenda been provided that includes time for each topic and topic owners?

What other attempts been made to corral this difficult behavior? For example, have they been asked to hold their thoughts? Have their concerns or ideas been captured onto the “parking lot” so the meeting can continue as planned? Have techniques been used that provide an equal opportunity for everyone to participate, such as going around the table and soliciting comments or ideas from each person?

If the answer to these questions is yes, and it truly seems that this person is really out of control, the best answer may be to call for a 10-minute break. At a reasonable point in the session, simply announce that there is going to be a short break. Note the current time and write the time you will resume on the white board or somewhere so that everyone can see it. (Even if people aren’t expecting a break in this meeting, people will get up and take advantage of the time.)

Then, during the break, task 1 has to be stabilizing yourself. Many of us would be riled up in such a situation. I would likely feel frustrated, angry, embarrassed, or confused in such a situation, so I would need a couple of minutes to collect myself. If this is the case for you, let the offender know that you would like to talk with them in a minute or so, and then go to your desk, down the hall, or wherever you can go out of site. Take a few deep breaths and get yourself calm and collected.

Next, talk to the offender privately. Sincerely ask them if they are aware of how distracting their behavior is and if they are aware that they are derailing the objective of the meeting. It may honestly be that they are not aware of their behavior and its consequences. It never ceases to amaze me how many students share situations in which a difficult person was confronted about their “difficultness” and they had no idea. Sometimes making someone aware of their behavior is all that’s needed to change it.

Finally, I would solicit their help in finishing the rest of the session. Remind them of the objective of the session and help them see how they are a part of achieving that, which is why, of course, they were invited.

Easy? Absolutely not. And I wouldn’t suggest that it may even be politically wise to do this if the offender is a person way “above” you on the corporate ladder.

But controlling meetings takes courage, and it’s not easy. If it were, all meetings would run smoothly and be a good use of organizational resources. And I don’t hear from too many folks who feel that’s the case.

What has worked for you in similar situations?

What to do with Meeting Saboteurs? was posted at ProjectBrief Blog. | http://www.watermarklearning.com/blog

Thought given to key elements of the meeting ahead of time can make for a more effective meeting.  Communication of those things insures that everyone arrives at the meeting with a shared understanding of why they are there and what they need to accomplish.

It’s fairly common practice, for example, to include an agenda in a meeting invitation. Topics to be covered and time allotted for each topic help to set expectations and keep people on track during the meeting.   Try adding two other things to your meeting invitations to take your meeting preparedness to the next level.

Specifically, when sending an invitation to a meeting in Outlook or whatever tool you use, specify two things:

Meeting Objective
Why are you asking for these people’s time?  What is the purpose of this get together?  Is it to brainstorm ideas for the new marketing campaign?  Prioritize software requirements for the new accounting application?  Resolve a conflict regarding the new patient intake process?  Make it absolutely clear as to what it is that needs to be achieved during the session. 

Desired Outcome
What is the desired outcome of the meeting?  What do the attendees need to walk out with at the end of the meeting?  Is it a list of ideas for the new marketing campaign?  Is it a list of prioritized requirements for the new accounting application?  Is it a workflow diagram for the new patient intake process along with signatures for approval from all attendees?  Whatever it is, be as specific as possible.

This is not particularly fun to do when you are the one sending the invitation.  It’s a pain to have to think specifically about the objective and what you need out of a meeting.  It’s a lot easier to just invite people who seem like logical attendees and then flush out the details later. 

But this practice forces the sender to give thought to whose names go in that To: box.  And that’s a beautiful thing when you’re on the receiving end!  

And, importantly, ending meetings is a lot easier and cleaner because we know when we’re done since we’ve named what it is we need! 

I’d love to hear about your meeting experiences and what approaches work for you.

2 Ingredients To Spice Up Meeting Effectiveness was posted at ProjectBrief Blog. | http://www.watermarklearning.com/blog

1)      Test your technology. If you have never used the software or hardware for your virtual meetings, make sure you practice with a small group first. If you are doing a formal presentation, I suggest you reboot your PC right before you make it. We recently did a product demo where the presenter’s PC froze up right at the start. It took some fancy “tap dancing” to recover and keep the meeting going. Better to reboot first than to recover later.

2)      Presenters: clear your desktop. There is nothing worse than seeing an incoming email notice popping up on the moderator’s screen, or seeing his or her calendar reminder saying “Pick up Amie from soccer practice.” If you are a participant and there’s a chance your screen will be displayed during the session, this applies to you, too.

3)      Participants: minimize your distractions. Don’t text or read emails when you should be participating. Pretend it’s a live meeting. How would you behave? (I know, some of you out there would be on your Blackberries during a meeting. Ha ha.) One method to deal with this issue is to call on participants to ask for their input or thoughts. Some virtual meeting tools provide an “attention” meter. Ours does. It’s very useful to see who has other non-meeting screens in the foreground. It’s also good feedback for the facilitator on how engaging the meeting is going. That can be a bit deflating, I’ll admit, but an impetus to try harder!

4)      Larger meetings: use your name. I was recently in a virtual meeting with people I just met and every one of them sounded the same! I could not distinguish them and I kept asking “Jennifer is that you?” or “Was that Tom who said that?” In retrospect, I should have asked at the beginning for people to announce their name as they commented. Better yet, I think it should be a standard ground rule for virtual meetings.

5)      Take notes as you normally would. Unlike an in-person meeting, though, announce you are pausing to write down your notes. If people can’t see you, the audio pause is disconcerting and vocal people will fill it and try and move the discussion along. If you want to successfully capture an action item or decision, tell people you are writing and ask them to wait a moment. Make sure you write fast, though…virtual participants are more impatient it seems to me than in-person participants.

What other “musts” can you think of? I’d like to compile a top ten list and post it to our site.

Top Fundamentals for Successful Virtual Meetings was posted at ProjectBrief Blog. | http://www.watermarklearning.com/blog